Pretending Along

"Get to Know Your Friends"

I fairly frequently receive those questionnaires from friends via email. You know the ones: What is your favorite food, where were you born, are you a night owl, which testicle hangs lower?

Well today in my inbox was another one, only this one came from my uncle, which shocked me. I'd expect him to react in a similar way to those as I do, delete them and then secretly curse the friend that sent it. So I was intrigued that he'd filled it out, and more so that he included me on the list of recipients. As I went through, I noticed that I was his answer to 2 questions: Who do you least expect to send this back? and Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?

The dubious grammar of the second question aside, I decided I had to respond to it.

I wanted to share two things from that with this blog:

First, my answer to the least favorite foods question:

I’d like to criminalize sweet potato cultivation in the continental US; I’ve come to think most donuts are nasty; I’ve tried a croissant and it reminded me of stale flaky bread; I’d love for someone to explain to me why pork chops are special. But special distain is reserved for Ener-G gluten free white rice bread (untoasted). It was the first gluten free bread I remember getting. You had to order it mail. There were years when it was the only alternative to baking your own gluten-free bread. It is so dry that it actually sucks moisture out of the surrounding air. You could pack things with it instead of those little pouches of toxic moisture reducing crystals. They should deploy it to flood areas. I tried it again recently and all this came rushing back to me. It turned into a sort of pasty goo when you chewed it. Those adults in my life when I was a kid who were able to taste it and then smile as they said, “It’s almost like real bread,” were amazing actors. And saints for eating it along with me.

And second I really wanted to sneak in the above testicle question, or something similar, to see if anything noticed (I figured I'd skip that since there was family on the dist list).

The next one I get from a friend is going back out with some additional questions slipped in the middle. Any one else have some ideas? I also came up with "Ever had a hooker?" "Circumcised?" and something obscene in the place of "Diamonds or Pearls?"

Posted by cs at February 6, 2006 1:36 PM